When Did You Know You Were Kinky?

One of the things that makes me question my own kinkiness is that I did not tie myself up when I was a toddler. And I didn't experiment with pain, although I did smack one boy over the head a few times with a shovel. A plastic shovel, people.

Many kinky people can recount their earliest kinky memory. In fact, I just started reading Gloria Brame's Different Loving, and right off the bat she announces that most people in the D/s lifestyle knew they were different from a very young age.

I did not think I was different at all. The only thing I can point to is a hankering for "non-consensual" sex scenes with my partners (yawn, right?) and the threat of orgasm denial to get off. But that wasn't until I was around 19 or 20. Years later, I also found myself very obsessed with age play and pretending to be a little girl.

I don't fantasize about the little girl thing anymore. It was basically a naughty tease schoolgirl sort of thing. You know, the gateway drug to bdsm.

But as a young kid? Nothing. Nothing that I can remember anyway. I just wasn't very sexually aware all that early on. Although there was this incident, apparently, in which I was found doing something naughty (not wink wink naughty, just naughty) and telling myself over and over: Bad girl, Teardrop. No, no. Bad girl.

Does that count?

Sleeptease

Better or worse than a striptease? Right now, sounds better to me. I'm so tired. I don't think I slept well last night. The rest of my non-sexy life is calling to me, and I suddenly can't remember last night's flirtations.

Oh. That's right. There were flirtations! No wonder I'm tired. It's hard being a tease. It is fun though.

If only I'd had this when I was in high school. I was so desperate for male attention. It's funny. Mister Man looked at some pictures of me from college and deemed me super hot.

Is he biased? Wrong? Are standards higher on the left coast? Or is it a confidence issue? Did I just not know my own hotness? I'll never know.

Back to last night's flirtations. Men drinking appletinis are just so wrong. Unless it's a boi or a boy dressed like a girl. Or a metrosexual. Oh hell. Appletinis all around.