One of the things that makes me question my own kinkiness is that I did not tie myself up when I was a toddler. And I didn't experiment with pain, although I did smack one boy over the head a few times with a shovel. A plastic shovel, people.
Many kinky people can recount their earliest kinky memory. In fact, I just started reading Gloria Brame's Different Loving, and right off the bat she announces that most people in the D/s lifestyle knew they were different from a very young age.
I did not think I was different at all. The only thing I can point to is a hankering for "non-consensual" sex scenes with my partners (yawn, right?) and the threat of orgasm denial to get off. But that wasn't until I was around 19 or 20. Years later, I also found myself very obsessed with age play and pretending to be a little girl.
I don't fantasize about the little girl thing anymore. It was basically a naughty tease schoolgirl sort of thing. You know, the gateway drug to bdsm.
But as a young kid? Nothing. Nothing that I can remember anyway. I just wasn't very sexually aware all that early on. Although there was this incident, apparently, in which I was found doing something naughty (not wink wink naughty, just naughty) and telling myself over and over: Bad girl, Teardrop. No, no. Bad girl.
Does that count?
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1 comment:
Yeah, I didn't do anything remotely kinky when I was younger. No tying, no experiments etc. The very idea never occured to me until I was in my 20's - and then I went straight from 'hmm interesting' into 'let's incorporate this and have wacky shenanigans!'
xx Dee
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